How do you know a golfer is cheating on his wife? Seeing the astonished look on her face, he calmly said, "Well, you said I had to choose, right?" Wodehouse, The value of routine; trusting your swing. For you only, all the funny golf quotes images have been created that you are going to explore now. Im going to wash my balls, you want yours washed, too?, My arms are tired, I had so many strokes.. Why a carrot as a logo? A golfer has to train his swing on the practice tee, then trust it on the course. Dr. Bob Rotella, 49. Dirty Golf - pinterest.com Knock, knock A threesome were getting ready to tee off on the 10thwhen they notice a single player, running up the fairway, taking a shot almost immediately to then run up to the green for a 3 putt to put it in. Golf Quotes About Life 22. "Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at.". Top Ten Golf Phrases That Sound Dirty But Aren't: 10. I like big putts and I cannot lie. 3 / 10. Are you sure you aren't all four majors because you would be a grandslam? Instead of worrying about making a fool of yourself in front of a crowd of 4 or 40,000, forget about how your swing may look and concentrate instead on where you want the ball to go. Oh you only have a threesome, mind if I join? 80+ Funny Golf Quotes and Sayings - CoolNSmart Even though youre a little ashamed of what you have done, you know you will do it again. Their expectation, however, is very different. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user. Nothing. ", The pressure originates in yourself; it builds from doubts. He attacks it. Dirty Quotes For Him "You can stay but your clothes must go." "Let's make love, then have a h0t dirty time." "I promise to always be by your side. Hey babycan you suck a golf ball through 50 feet of garden hose? Just 130+ Golf Jokes So Funny They're A Hole In One - Scary Mommy How you handle failure determines how successful you will be. Muffet McGraw, 26. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker. You either need to learn to drink or take up golf. Turns out Im not a good scotch drinker. I am a Musician. After 18 holes I can barely walk. "The reason a pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.". Wodehouse The 18 Best Golf Movies You Need To Watch In 2023, Top 14 Golf Podcasts You Should Listen To (Updated 2023), 7 Left Handed Golf Tips To Crush The Competition, 50 Side-Splitting Golf Puns & Jokes For Any Situation, Practicing Golf At Home: 10 Tricks To Improve Your Game. He always puts his driver in the wrong bag. Find the ball. 157 Good Golf Quotes For You To Tee Up and Swing Away Because he walked into the wrong club! Are you into kinky stuff? Laugh more: Amusing Jokes To Tell Your Friends, What do you call a lion playing golf? I Am Shuvo Saha. Steve Bann, It is surely quite superfluous to mention / To a person who has been here half an hour / That Golf is what engrosses the attention / Of the people, with an all-absorbing power. So I thought I should start a website about jokes. What did Master Yoda say when Luke sliced the ball onto the next fairway over? But there is a difference between playing well and hitting the ball well. You look like you'd be a great ball-washer. Golf Skirts & Golf Skorts Stylish, Fun & Comfortable. A golf ball can be driven 300 yards. Of course, after painting the Mona Lisa, you'll likely soon be back to bleeding. Hitting the ball well is about thirty percent of it. 3 of 10. After his practice round he noticed a beautiful young woman by the clubhouse. So what are you waiting for? These funny golf quotes and images coming from famous wise people are the most precious words worth sharing. I bet that hurts a whole lot worse than tennis elbow?. After 18 holes I can barely walk. What did the golfer say after performing yoga? Say what you want about the other sports, none of them hold a candle to golf when it comes to inspirational and downright funny quotes. Competitive golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half-inch course the space between your ears. Because if you aren't hurt, you're not really trying. If there has been one fundamental reason for my success, this is it. Gene Sarazen, 22. It will dazzle and baffle you with highs and lows, successes and frustrations. Amy Alcott, 18. Noah. Do you know why the game is called golf? Whats a golfers favorite nightlife activity? 3. 19+ Best Dirty Medical Pick Up Lines - Best Jokes and Puns Weve put together a list of our favorite jokes, golf puns, and one-liners you can bust out on the course, the range, or the pub to try and laugh off that 102 you just shot. 6. How do you "Tiger" proof a golf course? -Happy Gilmore. What is a golfers favorite bird? P-U-T means to place a thing where you want it. If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart." - Arthur Daley. The most important shot in golf is the next one. I promise to lick your balls clean and polish your shaft before and after each use during the upcoming golf season. ), 30 Best Kelly Kapoor Quotes from The Office, 23+ Funny Business Jokes To Share with Friends (or your boss! If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron, not even God can hit a 1-iron. again, Lee Trevino, who would know a thing or two about lightning strikes considering he was stuck by it on the course. Mar 14, 2021 - Find the best golf humor and cartoons on this board by www.GolfBallsUnlimited.com. Palmer calmly said, What the hell do you want it to back up for?. The next pint in the clubhouse is on me! Excuse me, Miss, are you looking for the fairway? Obviously I'm a man that loves Gatorade and I'd definitely like to raid your gato. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. I love the contrast between the agony of a golfer bleeding out and the ecstasy of a moment of creative genius. Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? Furthermore, the old man moves along without wasting any time. Of course, says the old man, when I was your age, that tree was only three feet tall.. Thats how long a Scotsman takes to finish a bottle of Scotch! When your golf cart capsizes. Why is Hearts a golfers worst card game? Full Text: Thank you for still being my friend even though I only talk about my horse and I smell like a barn. Bob Bruce One of the advantages bowling has over golf is that you seldom lose a bowling ball. Golf: A five mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments. Why does the temperature on the course rise after a long tournament ends? I stepped on a rake. Henny Youngman in a high-pitched voice. My swing is so bad, I look like a caveman killing his lunch. What's the difference between a golfball and a Nissan? Ben Hogan, The golf swing has been endlessly analyzed, and yet it still remains a mystery. Leslie Nielsen, Mini-golf is a lot like life. In case he got a hole in one! What did the duck say to the golf ball? It took me 17 years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. My shaft is bent. I figured my local caddy knew this course a whole lot better than me, so I just put my hand out and played whatever club he put in it. If we weren't, we'd take up a less infuriating hobby, like knitting. We have compiled the best list of pick up lines with references to golf style, golf clubs, golf course, and various famous golf celebrity. Golf is an awkward set of bodily contortions designed to produce a graceful result. Tommy Armour, 40. Theres enough stress in the rest of your life not to let bad shots ruin a game youre supposed to enjoy. Amy Alcott, 15. 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The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes. Keep your sense of humor. Hit the ball. We share them in our weekly newsletter. "Gunga galunga gunga, gunga-galunga." 49 Dirty Quotes and Sayings You Must Pay Attention Answer: Roarin Mcilroy. "Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. when we were married," said the pouting wife. Instead, here's a great clip of Chi Chi talking about ladies he sees golfing. Henry Beard, Like clubs inside my golf bag / each verse a different face / Some to drive straight down the course / others lift and then embrace. Important advice: if you golf during the election, make sure you cast your absent-tee ballot! Whos there? Ellis Parker Butler, When we watch pro golfers, we expect them to play well, to make the shots we know we cant, and to be entertaining. "We learn so many things from golfhow to suffer, for instance." Lansky's quote is funny because, well, as golfers we're all a little bit masochistic. You look like someone who likes to swing. We have compiled the best list of pick up lines with references to golf style, golf clubs, golf course, and various famous golf celebrity. P.G. Golf is very much like a love affair. Golf is like doing your taxes. Funny Jokes - Dirty Golf Sayings 5. You dont know what pressure is until you play for five bucks with only two bucks in your pocket. Lee Trevino at his best. On a golf course, nature is neutered. What Is The Difference Between a Golf Skirt and a Tennis Skirt? Peter Jacobson, 33. It takes a lot of balls to play golf knowing you're a bad golfer. Are you a Nike One Platinum ball because I'd like to see you on a T? 21. 2023 Lynn on the Links, LLC All Rights Reserved. Pick the quote from here which describes your inner thought. The man who can go into a patch of rough alone, with the knowledge that only God is watching him, and play his ball where it lies, is the man who will serve you faithfully and well. And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." -Bob Hope After some deliberation, he takes out his 3 iron and sails the ball 20 feet over the pin, and backs it up to within 3 feet of the pin. Show Business is just to pay the greens fees." What did Sir Mixalot say after sinking a 14-footer on the green, saving a terrible 3rd stroke into the rough? but I can show you what is! no! One fine day, John and Don are out golfing when John slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. What do you call Jessica Alba joining you and your buddies for a round of golf? 1. Whats the difference between a golf ball and a car? Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? "Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.". document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. Hi there! Your email address will not be published. I was actually enjoying it. Jan 1, 2016 - Explore Uwharrie Point | Golf Communit's board "Golf Quotes", followed by 482 people on Pinterest. Golfs three ugliest words: Still your shot. Dave Marr, 36. Toggle Navigation Menu . I've been playing golf all day and would love to make you my 19th hoe. Happy Gilmore. I have always had a drive that pushed me to try for perfection, and golf is a game that perfection stays just out of reach. Betsy Rawls, 12. Why was Cinderella such a poor golfer? How many does he do?, Man: Well, that depends on how hard I kick him in the ass.. A dinner without wine. For true success, it matters what our goals are. Choose See photos about 15 very funny (and occasionally inappropriate) golf memes from Golf Digest Just in case they get a slice! No matter what you shoot the next day you have to go back to the first tee and begin again and make yourself into something. Here is a list that I have compiled over the years of my some of my favorite golf quotes. Most Funny Golf Quotes about Daylight by Ben Hogan Funny Dirty Golf Pictures With Quotes. Or under. Ian Fleming, I drove a golf ball into the air / It fell to earth, I knew not where / For, so swiftly it flew, the sight / Could not follow it in its flight. And maybe thats why the highs were so high and the lows felt so low. I . Spice things up with these dirty golf jokes. I smile at obstacles. Tiger Woods, 13. How Long Does It Take to Play 18 Holes of Golf? You "Putt" Me In A Great Mood. He missed short putts because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadows. You get bad breaks from good shots, good breaks from bad shots but you have to play where it lies. Bobby Jones, 23. These words carry the feeling for those you care about and those who care about you. What do you getll a blonde at the driving range? Robert Fuller Murray, The uglier a mans legs are, the better he plays golf. She lined the ball up carefully and confidently stroked the winning putt. Ben Hogan, I dont play golf to feel bad, I play bad golf, but I feel good. Your second mental problem is concentration. What do you do after a round of 18 on a hot sunny day? Ive played the game for 50 years and I still havent the slightest idea of how to play. Gary Player, 39. Your source for the latest and greatest golf news, tips, gear reviews, and giveaways. Ben Hogan, I know I am getting better at golf because Im hitting fewer spectators. Perhaps it's the depth of (often negative) emotion the average golfer feels as a result of the game that inspires him to wax poetic. He was puttering around. What is the similarity between four-putting and masturbation? We collected these beautiful images with quotes about funny golf for you because we understand the value of your thoughts and feeling. Regardless of time, place, situation, event, or occasion, it is in our human nature, to learn and express. If you like football - I would rather think that you are active, optimistic and strict a bit. The worst club in my bag is my brain. Chris Perry, 42. Diller's comment is a great take on a bit of traditional golf advice. Golf is about how well you accept, respond to, and score with your misses much more so than it is a game of your perfect shots. Dr. Bob Rotella, 64. A bad hole wont get you a slap across the face when you play golf. Because you coming back to my hotel is the only fair way for this evening to go. 3. Besides that, I love to explore. The rest is being comfortable with the different situations on the course. Mickey Wright, 57. My doctor told me I cant play golf. Oh, when did he play with you?. These quotes and images about funny golf are the truest, wisest, and most positive ones to be found on the web. He doesnt hit the ball very far, but it goes straight. Hey you better be able to laugh at yourself in this game, right? It was glorious when you did! Required fields are marked *. When hes not on the green, you can find him wishing that he was Fortunately hes happy tojust chat about it here until the next time. That's why I'm hoping you, Bleacher Report readers, will add some of your own content in the comments. The cat crawls out at night to smoke them and we are trying to get him to quit. ~ Sijin Bt. A man without a woman is like a pistol without a trigger; it is the woman who makes the man go off. Robert Fuller Murray, Golf is a fascinating game. Playing golf is fun and exciting, but these Short Golf Jokes will make your game enjoyable. 65 Best Golf Quotes for Inspiration and Motivation Don Carter Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose. 150 Hilarious Golf Jokes And Puns 'Fore' Everyone She makes sure he practices having a stroke first to make sure he's handicapped when he meets a blond working at one. Colleen Ferrari Bader, And does the man walk always so? The Dalai Lama himself. 3. After 18 holes, I can barely walk. Billy Graham, Show me a man who is a good loser and Ill show you a man who is playing golf with his boss. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? I give the ball some sweet talk. You okay with that? 8. - Bobby Jones If you win through bad sportsmanship, thats no real victory. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 11. What do you call a blonde at a golf course? I`m really worried about myself. When you hit the cup but dont sink the shot, its called Prom Night. You are signed up for our newsletter! Please add a link to this site. Gerald Ford, I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because Id spent about half the day in the woods. Pick your favorite one from more than 86 quotes about funny golf with images and use it wherever you like. When they reach the 9th fairway, the young man is facing a tough shot. Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because it cannot count, criticize, or laugh. Paul Harvey, While playing golf today I hit two good balls. Its to move on. John shouts back in a nervous voice, Throw me my 8-iron! 2. Like a PGA Tour pro once said to his pro-am partners, youre not good enough to get angry. So dont even try it.